Actual conversations from my house 10.1.1-

Previews for tehe new Glee featuring Britney Spears on the television.  No one in my house watches Glee.
Bill: Oh yes, I'm going to watch that episode of Glee!
Alex: Me too!
Bill: (Using his Quagmire voice) I'm going to watch it with my pants off.  Oh yeah.
Alex:  I'm not going to watch it in the same room as dad.

Little gifts

My husband brings me gifts all the time.  For no reason but to let me know that he is constantly thinking of me.  I like the little gifts. They make me smile.

Today, Bill brought me a rock from the beach.  He said he thought I would like the stripes in them.  And I do.

Actual Conversations from my house 6.1.10

Me: I wonder what I should feed everyone tomorrow
Bill: (not listening cause he is working on listing stuff on ebay)
Me: Maybe Placenta
Bill: (Clearly not listening) Okay

Warm Fuzzy moments

I coached a dancer over the last 2 months and helped her prepare for her very first solo performance.  She is a beautiful older lady with amazing drive and passion.  She drove over an hour ever week to meet with me.  I created a veil performance for her and she practiced every moment she could get.  Her big debut was last weekend.  I was unable to attend because of a prior commitment. But I gave her all the good advice I had.  Don't practice the day of your performance, dance like nobodys watching, invite the audience into your dance.. and so much more (I'm full of good wisdom!)  She was so nervous, but I had faith in her.  This is the email she sent me yesterday:

Subject: MY DREAM COME TRUE

I DID IT. I ACED IT. I DANCED AS IF THE ANGELS WERE DANCING NEXT TO ME...I EVEN HAD APPLAUSE WHEN I WAS DANCING WERE THERE WAS NO MUSIC,,,,FOR THE SHIMMY,,,...IT TRULY WAS ONE OF THE HAPPIEST DAYS OF MY LIFE....THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR HELP AND ENCOURAGEMENT...YOU WERE TRULY MY INSPIRATION....I CANT WAIT FOR YOU TO SEE THE PICTURES...I CANT WAIT TO DANCE WITH YOU AGAIN,, SEE YIOU REAL SOON , MANY THANKS AGAIN...JUDY

etsy Front page!

What an awesome surprise to find out that one of my items made etsy front page today.  I was featured in a treasure made by Pluckingpendants fron the Indiefreespirits etsy team.  it was 30 mins of bliss!  Fame is fleeting,..but hella fun!  Crazy number of hears and views.  good times!    Love my new etsy team!  New charity drive sponsored by then.  More news coming right up..

Actual Conversations

(I put rocks in the dishwasher)

Bill: How come you washed rocks?
Me: Cause they were dirty.
Bill: I'm sorry. I should never question you again.

Mercury is in Freakin' Retrograde!

I'm not really into astrology..but watch me sound like I am.  I'm a Virgo, Mercury is my ruling planet.  Mercury goes into retrograde 3 sometimes 4 times a year.  Fucking up every damn little thing.  Communications get botched, people lose their freakin minds, computer and cell phones act up, things are just night right.  Being a Virgo, I am highly susceptible to Mercury in retrograde.  I think it's best that people don't say stupid shit around me and I should probably just go to bed until this is all over.  May 12th..everything will be all good again.

Looky me.. I'm Gluten Free!

I've come to the realization that I shouldn't have to hurt after every meal.  I tried a 2 day gluten free trial test.  Felt fine.  The minute I introduced gluten back into my diet.. bring on the pain!  That's it.  Gluten hates me.  I've been gluten free since Easter.  If I had any slip ups.. I had them on purpose.  Cause I love Gluten so. But I have paid for them dearly.  So, I'm gluten free.  What the hell ever. (paging Bitter.. party of one.  Bitter.. party of one)

Adventures in Quinoa

I finally gave into the rising suspicion that Gluten hates me. But I love Gluten.  I suppose that one should not be in pain after every meal.  So, it is with a heavy heart that Gluten and I are breaking up.  I am now Gluten intolerant, lactose intolerant and trying to reduce refined sugar from my diet.  Kill me now.

Today, I took an unexpected journey to Poulson's food in Antioch in search for some Quinoa and Gluten free products.  Success along with some gluten free animal crackers, gluten free flakes to make pancakes, muffins and cookies and a rice krispie treat.  Holy expensive Batman!  Anyway, my adventures in Quinoa begins.

The box indicates that the Quinoa will be ready in 10-15 mins.  The directions read: boil for 5 minutes then cover for 15 minutes.  You do the new math.  Ever see a nest of a thousand baby spider eggs?  That's what Quinoa looks like when cooking.

So, I cook for 5 minutes, and cover and complain about it for 15 minutes.  It now looked like bigger spider eggs...enticing, no?  I add more water, cook again, cover, complain...Gluten free sucks.  With an unhappy heart, I make my plate of grilled chicken, avocado and Quinoa.  So...it's absolutely delightful.  Yum yum. :)  I later mixed my uneaten portion with soy almond milk, a packet of truvia, a sprinkle of cinnamon and chilled.  A delicious afternoon snack.  Yay for Quinoa! The nasty spider egg looking grain.  I shall now study up on some recipies as not to gross my family out.

The List

Happily married for 20+ years.  I hold many relationship secrets, like.. separate vacations.  And the list.  These are the names of the people who I can "do" without any consequences.  Because they are on the list.  It's like my vagina guest list.

1. Dave Matthews.  Bill actually made me take Dave Matthews off my list since I worked for him.  Bill's on crack.
2. Ryan Renolds.  Ryan fluctuates between #1,#2 and #3 given my mood.  He's absolutely delicious though. It all started with 2 guys a girl and a pizza place.  They filmed the re-make to Amityville horror on my street.  It took all my strength not to obtain a restraining order from him the week they were filming here.
3. Eric Stoltz.  And not the Mask Eric either.  The "Some kind of wonderful Im a fool for a red head he's still so freaking hot" Eric.  Yeah, that one.
4. Nathan Fillion.  Hello Firefly.
5. Eric Hutchinson.  I want him to be my rockstar Boyfriend.  He just doesn't know that yet.
6. David Duchovy. ..why won't you love me?

Bill's list looks something like this:
1. the girl who cuts my hair at Walmart
2. The girl who drives the green car at 7:30am on rte 59
3. The girl in that commercial about the thing
4. The hot mommy in line at Traget last tuesday
5. Matthews old violin teacher..

As you can see..Bill's list is non discriminating.  Basically, if you have a pulse.. you are in!

Surprise Trust Falls

There is just something about Surprise Trust Falls that makes me giggle every time!  Don't know what they are?  Watch this short Tosh.0 vid for a quick learning course Tosh.0 Surprise Trust Falls  It's never not funny!  So, we do surprised trust falls at my home. The more random they are, the better.  I tried a trust fall on Turtle.  She hated me.  Bill did a STF on Matthew...while he was sleeping.  That went bad...quickly (but hella funny though).  I keep trying to convince Salamander to do a STF on Bill while he is on the toilet.  So wrong.  (but so entertaining!)
 So, Im in the dining room one evening and Bill comes around the corner yelling "TRUST FALL!"  Now, the problem isn't that it was a surprise trust fall attack, the problem is that Bill was dressed in a flesh colored silk and lace dress? slip? nightgown?  I run.  He falls.  I giggle.  Maybe I peed a little.  This is my home in which I live.  All friends are welcome here.

March Goodness

Some of my Favorite things..March was easy.

1. Spring!  Hello new growth, rebirth, a splash of color, thunder storms, happy deck, dancing barefeet... the list goes on and on and on....
2. My Jenn-Air Grill top stove-  Hallelujah!  My oven has been broken for over a year.  I'm a baker.  I need not describe my agony.. for there are no words.   If you are patient enough, everything you ever need or want will show up at a garage sale, estate sale or auction.  Lo and behold....the glorious Jenn-Air Grill top stove.  Retail $2000.. auction purchase price $325.  Glory be!  I've already baked a full turkey.  Bill has grilled steaks.  Heaven is in my kitchen.  All my friends are welcome.
3. Avocados.  Who ever gave these little slices of Arcadia bad rap has lost their minds.  Happiness is a perfectly ripe avocado.  Rich, smooth, decadent..also known as 'Butter Pear' (doesn't that sound divine?)  Known by the Aztecs as the fertility fruit.  More potassium than a banana (60% more!) Chalked full of vit B, E & K and fiber.  And yeah, its fatty, but it's mono sat fat.  That's the good kind.  And it makes a snazzy houseplant.. if you don't have cats.(poisonous)  More than you ever needed to know about Avocados.
4. Pedicures.  Take care of your feet, as they take care of you.  And there is nothing as delightful as going into a deep stretch and seeing some lovely little gems smiling back up at you!
5. Colbie Caillat: Breakthrough.  Colbie's sophomore attempt..FTW.  She's brilliant.  I can't help but sing a long. www.colbiecaillet.com  It's kinda stuck in my head today.
6. Aziz Ansari- Comedian.  And hella funny.  Eric Hutchinson described him as Chris rocks meets Mitch Hedburg.  Spot on.   The edginess of Rock with the comedic timing of Hedburg makes for a pee my pants moment. www.azizisbored.tubmlr.com
7. iPhone- I think I already went over my love of my new little gadget.  Make out.  ziplock bag.  Enough said.
8. Stephen Kellogg & 6ers-  If you ask me what one artist I would take with me on a desert island.  (hoping it's a dessert island though) It's Stephen.  For reasons which I do  not have adaquate words to explain.  I love his  music with the fire of a thousand suns.  It moves me.  It speaks to me.  The goodness overflows to the point where my heart literally aches.  www.stephenkellogg.com

Someone gets me..

I told my students last night how I love my iPhone so much that I wanted to make out with it, but the moisture may be a bad thing for it. One of my students replied.. totally serious "Maybe you can put it in a ziplock baggie first."  Love that response!  Donna in my level 2 class gave me a hug, and Karen baked me pumpkin bread to cheer me up.  How much do I love my students?  Like.. so freakin much!
I did get to talk to Bonnie last night.  She had me doing the ugly cry.  I feel like I'm part of the break-up. It's awful.  Bonnie said she told my brother that she is keeping me, and that was non negotiable.  My brother seems to be ok with it.  Im good with that too :) FL may be calling me.. soon.

The "i" stands for iloveyouPhone

Let's pretend yesterday never happened, shall we?  We shall not speak of the evils of yesterday.  My eyelids are still puffy from crying intermittenly thoughout the day.  I hate you Yesterday.
Sunday, I went to the AT&T store to upgrade to the Backflip.  My AT&T rep said "I will not sell you the Backflip, it's a piece of crap.   If you want that phone, you have to find someone else in the store to help you."  He really did say that.  And he was really cute. Swoon.  tell me more adorable AT&T rep...So, he starts pushing the iPhone.  Wait wait wait.  I don't need, want, dont even show me the iPhone!  Apple is the devil.  I text RM and tell him this dude wont sell me the Backflip.  RM, being rockstar boyfriend #3, also enthusiastically works for AT&T in INdy.  He text me back saying "Your rep is an asshole who does not understand the Backflip."  Ohh...dems fighting words.  Meanwhile, Salamander and Cody are going around to all the display phones and setting their ringtones to "Holy Mutherfucker, it's the iceream truck!"  Then texting their ex girlfriends from the AT&T display phones and saying that they heard they put out, do they want to go out?  (Ok, that last part was somewhat my suggestion.. I didn't think they would do it!)  My cutie AT&T rep, Edgar, is now letting me use his iPhone and sample the goodness.  He then lets me scroll through this pictures.  He says "Be careful".  Salamander and Cody come over with their pics in their phones.  Now it becomes a battle between my kids and Edgar on who has they most "wrong" photos in their phones.  My kids win.  Proud mama moment.  I think.  Edgar says he wants to come hang out on my lap.  I think he said my "house"  But he's not here to correct me. So anyway..after 2 hours of crazy AT&T store shinanagans, I'm walking out the door with a shiney new 16S iPhone and a $30 increase to my phone bill.  I can honestly say that at this moment, I'm not exactly a happy camper.   But after playing with my phone for a full day.  I heart it.  I want to make out with it.  But I heard that moisture will render the phone useless.  This does not bode well for my already dangerous internet addiction.

It's crappy Monday!

It started last night really, when I get an email from my dad.  He tells me that my mother has just served him with divorce papers.  He had no idea what brought it on and wanted to make sure that I was in his corner if and when he needed me (legally.. I think)  Little background on my highly dysfunctional family.  My parental units are estranged of maybe 28 years, but living in the same house. My mother and I are estranged of 5 years.  So, needless to say the divorce did not come as too much of a surprise as much as a "why the fuck now?!" kind of thing.  I call my brother today, he tells me that his mother will be moving to FL to live near him.  Wow.  He also tells me that his fish died, he got 2 speeding tickets, his house is infested with termites and he broke up with his girlfriend.  I've been in tears all morning.  Why?  Because my brother broke up with his girlfriend!  I know that sounds insane, but I love Bonnie..and I was truly hoping my brother would marry her.  I think that I am taking it much harder than they are though.  I haven't heard from Bonnie yet, so I dont know.  A Craptacular start to the week I must say! *#@*! (oh, and it's tumor day too.. fantastic.)

Adventures with the Salamander

I introduced Salamander to the comedy of Aziz Ansari.  We were watching his bit about Coldstone Creamery
Aziz on Coldstone  Hold up, wait a minute..You mean, they sing to me if I put some money in the tip jar?!?  Alex...up for a roadtrip?!  Hell to the yeah. a 45 min trip south brings us to a Cold Stone.  Armed with a video camera in hand.  Salamanders' first time at this establishment.  He's like.. gotta have it.  Upon paying, Im like.. Alex, you should put some money in the tip jar.  We did.  Employees face goes from horrified to sad and then says "you want a song?"  Yezzup!  Could his face get any sadder?  I dunno, let me pull of my cam corder and start recording.  Yep.. his face could have gotten more sadder.. oh..there it is.. saddest of sad.  The face on Salamander and me however?  JOY of JOYS!!!

Captain Cave Man sex talk

Bill and I were having what I thought was a very well coded discussion about previous nights excapades.  I could have sworn that anyone else in the room would have needed a captain cave man decoder ring to figure out what we were talking about.  Matthew yells" Will you guys stop talking!?!  That is 'After Nighttime" talk!!"

Well, I'll be damned.  Where'd he get a captain cave man decoder ring!?  Those things have been sold out since 1980.

Rules of the Queen

I'm the Queen..here are my rules

1. Eat dessert first.  You never know when you are going to die.  You want to make sure you get the best part of the meal over with before that might happen.
2.  There is no reason to run.  Ever.  Well, unless someone is chasing after you with a knife.
3.  If you make out with someone for less than 10 minutes..it does not count as cheating.
4. When sleeping alone in your bed, sleep diagnoally with arms spread wide.
5. Dance like no body's watching

A healing journey east

As I get older (currently 26.5...shut up), the call for unity over powers me.  I quasi-spontaneously traveled east ward for a few days of bliss in the company of friends, family and music.  My family has an unsurmountable amount of unrest within it.  Although in numbers we may be large, we have segmented off into small clusters.  I have a brother, who passed away at the tender age of 16.  I have a half sister, who I have never met.  I have 11 aunts and uncles who I have not seen since I left the Phillippines.  It all tears at my heart.  I went east to Northern MD to reconnect with my Auntie who I have not seen in 15 years.  Our goal was to cook a feast and drive it down to southern MD to my sisters home.  Unbeknownst to my Auntie, I convinced my brother to fly in from FL for dinner.  I picked him up at the plane station and brought him with me to surprise Auntie.  The look on her face as she greeted us was worth the weight in gold.  A gamut of emotions from confusion to recognition, to utter elation..then the tears.. they flowed and the embraces were powerful and nourishing.
In typical Auntie fashion, she began cooking the day before our arrival. A feast for kings!

And she continued to make more!  She was disappointed in the amount of food JR and I could pack away.  "You eat like birds!"  I reassured her that Arlene will be able to consume an amount similar to 4 lumberjacks. (I hate her.. and her thin butt)  Dinner at Arlenes was stupendous.  I could feed off of the love of family til the end of eternity.  We laughed and ate and embraced and..ate...

It was all over too soon.  I still had many more long over due hugs to get through in the short amount of time that I was visiting.  There are friends that the distance has come between us.  The memories are still vivd in my minds eye.  I stayed with Kristin in DC and met her amazing Husband Francesco.  Their meeting is what I deem the greatest love story of all.  A chance meeting while they were both in Mexico on vacation with their friends.  She spoke no Italian, he spoke no English (except for a perveted joke about a monkey and a banana)  .. and today married, having already celebrated their 1 year anniversary.  Fra is (in glorious words) Fucking Awesome.  We were able to spend some time together.  I took him to the Dr.s office, he made me some rice.  Instant friends.  They are a great couple.  With a unusually clean apartment :)

 We traveled back to DC to reunite with MacKenzie.  8 years it has been.  She is as beautiful as I last have seen her.  We ate Pho, leanred of Fra being the bacon whisper, laughed and shut the place down.  Because that is how we roll.  I hope to be able to spend more time with Kenz my next passing through.  There were just way too many people to see and not enough time in a day to see them.  I'll have to go back.  Life is too short to let the distance get between you.  I love and very much miss all my east coast family and friends.  Blessed be to all of you!

At the Barns

I told Liam we shall use this photo as our engagement picture :)
Hothouse Flowers Concert.  Vienna, VA.