Actual Conversations from my house 12.23.11

Bill: When Matthew falls asleep tonight, we should shave off his eyebrows.
me: (Gasp!) No!! (pause) We should shave off only one.
Both of us: YES!!!

(later)
me: we should shave one eyebrow off, then draw it back in with a Sharpie.  Make it have a really high arch.  So it will look like he is always inquisitive.
Bill & me: *Giggling*
Matthew:  I hate you both.

Actual conversations from my house 12.18.11

Bill: I'm going to Tebow at the next auction.
Me: You are going to what?!
Bill: Tebow (he demonstrates what it means)
me: That's called praying. He didn't invent that.

Actual conversations from my house 12.18.11

(Reminiscing about the time Alex pulled an all nighter and passed out on his chair. We wrote all over his face and put make up on him..I know.. that was wrong)
Me: Remember you asked "How do you spell Penis?" Hahaha.. you spelled it with a U! dork!
Bill: Hey! I know how to spell it now! (pause) d.i.c.k

Actual Conversations from my house 12.10.11

(Discussing the mushroom growing project in the kitchen that no one will eat.. pictures on FB)
Bill: You should eat your mushrooms
Me: YOU eat the mushrooms
Bill: I don't want to eat your babies!
me: (whimpering) I shouldn't have named them.