Mercury is in Freakin' Retrograde!

I'm not really into astrology..but watch me sound like I am.  I'm a Virgo, Mercury is my ruling planet.  Mercury goes into retrograde 3 sometimes 4 times a year.  Fucking up every damn little thing.  Communications get botched, people lose their freakin minds, computer and cell phones act up, things are just night right.  Being a Virgo, I am highly susceptible to Mercury in retrograde.  I think it's best that people don't say stupid shit around me and I should probably just go to bed until this is all over.  May 12th..everything will be all good again.

Looky me.. I'm Gluten Free!

I've come to the realization that I shouldn't have to hurt after every meal.  I tried a 2 day gluten free trial test.  Felt fine.  The minute I introduced gluten back into my diet.. bring on the pain!  That's it.  Gluten hates me.  I've been gluten free since Easter.  If I had any slip ups.. I had them on purpose.  Cause I love Gluten so. But I have paid for them dearly.  So, I'm gluten free.  What the hell ever. (paging Bitter.. party of one.  Bitter.. party of one)

Adventures in Quinoa

I finally gave into the rising suspicion that Gluten hates me. But I love Gluten.  I suppose that one should not be in pain after every meal.  So, it is with a heavy heart that Gluten and I are breaking up.  I am now Gluten intolerant, lactose intolerant and trying to reduce refined sugar from my diet.  Kill me now.

Today, I took an unexpected journey to Poulson's food in Antioch in search for some Quinoa and Gluten free products.  Success along with some gluten free animal crackers, gluten free flakes to make pancakes, muffins and cookies and a rice krispie treat.  Holy expensive Batman!  Anyway, my adventures in Quinoa begins.

The box indicates that the Quinoa will be ready in 10-15 mins.  The directions read: boil for 5 minutes then cover for 15 minutes.  You do the new math.  Ever see a nest of a thousand baby spider eggs?  That's what Quinoa looks like when cooking.

So, I cook for 5 minutes, and cover and complain about it for 15 minutes.  It now looked like bigger spider eggs...enticing, no?  I add more water, cook again, cover, complain...Gluten free sucks.  With an unhappy heart, I make my plate of grilled chicken, avocado and Quinoa.  So...it's absolutely delightful.  Yum yum. :)  I later mixed my uneaten portion with soy almond milk, a packet of truvia, a sprinkle of cinnamon and chilled.  A delicious afternoon snack.  Yay for Quinoa! The nasty spider egg looking grain.  I shall now study up on some recipies as not to gross my family out.

The List

Happily married for 20+ years.  I hold many relationship secrets, like.. separate vacations.  And the list.  These are the names of the people who I can "do" without any consequences.  Because they are on the list.  It's like my vagina guest list.

1. Dave Matthews.  Bill actually made me take Dave Matthews off my list since I worked for him.  Bill's on crack.
2. Ryan Renolds.  Ryan fluctuates between #1,#2 and #3 given my mood.  He's absolutely delicious though. It all started with 2 guys a girl and a pizza place.  They filmed the re-make to Amityville horror on my street.  It took all my strength not to obtain a restraining order from him the week they were filming here.
3. Eric Stoltz.  And not the Mask Eric either.  The "Some kind of wonderful Im a fool for a red head he's still so freaking hot" Eric.  Yeah, that one.
4. Nathan Fillion.  Hello Firefly.
5. Eric Hutchinson.  I want him to be my rockstar Boyfriend.  He just doesn't know that yet.
6. David Duchovy. ..why won't you love me?

Bill's list looks something like this:
1. the girl who cuts my hair at Walmart
2. The girl who drives the green car at 7:30am on rte 59
3. The girl in that commercial about the thing
4. The hot mommy in line at Traget last tuesday
5. Matthews old violin teacher..

As you can see..Bill's list is non discriminating.  Basically, if you have a pulse.. you are in!